The Republicans seem to have a devil of a time finding suitable theme songs for the hate-and-fear-a-thons staged every four years during which they anoint their party's presidential standard-bearer. Historically, many performers have adamantly objected to their creations being aired without authorization.
In 2008, the Wilson sisters of the rock group Heart, voiced their disapproval of Sara Palin's pirating of their 1970s hit, Barracuda. Recently, members of the British group Queen likewise expressed their concern with the 2016 Republican National Convention's (RNC) use of one of their flagship hits, We Are The Champions.
Whomever is tasked with selecting appropriate theme music for the RNC is overlooking an obvious choice: Crooner Eddie Fisher's swell 1951 rendition of Turn Back the Hands of Time. Without any further ado, here's Eddie! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kp-yN7KeFQ
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Old Republican Dudes Love Their Porn: A Golden Opportunity for Democrats to Take Back the Congress
A few years back, a survey fielded by the Harvard Business School concluded that the greatest demand for pornographic ogling per capita is concentrated in the red states --- especially the ones with heavy concentrations of evangelicals.
The state at the very pinnacle of the list? Blood-red Utah! Other top contenders consist of the following states, all playpens of lust featuring a deep scarlet pigment: Mississippi, Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Louisiana.
It's probably safe to assume that repressed old white dudes comprise the bulk of this cohort of on-line oglers. They might hate big government, and detest that socialist from Kenya who lives at the White House, but they sure do love their on-line porn. They can't ever get enough of that visual whoopie!*
I have a plan! The various Democratic campaign committees should assume an active funding and organizing role. Their task would be to avail themselves of the services of the nation's eighty most popular premium porno sites. Next on the agenda? Declare a Free Premium Porn Day. The date? Why Tuesday, November 8th, of course! By sheer coincidence, that just happens to be the day of this year's elections.
Here's what I envision. Get all those porn-lovin' ol' white dudes wired up, with pop-up ads on the major sites a week in advance. Once that calendar flips to the Eighth Day of November, they'll all be hot to trot, welded to their computer screens at the crack o'dawn. Remember now! Eighty premium websites! --- enough to keep them transfixed from dawn 'til dusk. They can have it all, and by gum they're gonna git it all!
Once they recover their poise long enough to take a break from their non-stop ogling, they'll gaze out the window. Dag-nab it, it's dark out! They'll check the time: Oh lord, it's seven o'clock! The polls have just closed! Thousand names of the devil! They forgot to cast their ballots!
The election results come pouring in. Fast forward to 11:00 PM Eastern Standard Time. Every major network has declared a clear sweep for the Democrats: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and both houses of Congress. All because thousands upon thousands of porn-lovin', pervy ol' pale dudes couldn't tear themselves away from their visual whoopie long enough to vote. Mission accomplished.
Hey, it's worth a shot, don't ya think?
*Also eyeball an earlier post on this blog from 7/20/12:
Repressed Feelings in Romneyland: Just Gotta Have It.
The state at the very pinnacle of the list? Blood-red Utah! Other top contenders consist of the following states, all playpens of lust featuring a deep scarlet pigment: Mississippi, Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Louisiana.
It's probably safe to assume that repressed old white dudes comprise the bulk of this cohort of on-line oglers. They might hate big government, and detest that socialist from Kenya who lives at the White House, but they sure do love their on-line porn. They can't ever get enough of that visual whoopie!*
I have a plan! The various Democratic campaign committees should assume an active funding and organizing role. Their task would be to avail themselves of the services of the nation's eighty most popular premium porno sites. Next on the agenda? Declare a Free Premium Porn Day. The date? Why Tuesday, November 8th, of course! By sheer coincidence, that just happens to be the day of this year's elections.
Here's what I envision. Get all those porn-lovin' ol' white dudes wired up, with pop-up ads on the major sites a week in advance. Once that calendar flips to the Eighth Day of November, they'll all be hot to trot, welded to their computer screens at the crack o'dawn. Remember now! Eighty premium websites! --- enough to keep them transfixed from dawn 'til dusk. They can have it all, and by gum they're gonna git it all!
Once they recover their poise long enough to take a break from their non-stop ogling, they'll gaze out the window. Dag-nab it, it's dark out! They'll check the time: Oh lord, it's seven o'clock! The polls have just closed! Thousand names of the devil! They forgot to cast their ballots!
The election results come pouring in. Fast forward to 11:00 PM Eastern Standard Time. Every major network has declared a clear sweep for the Democrats: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and both houses of Congress. All because thousands upon thousands of porn-lovin', pervy ol' pale dudes couldn't tear themselves away from their visual whoopie long enough to vote. Mission accomplished.
Hey, it's worth a shot, don't ya think?
*Also eyeball an earlier post on this blog from 7/20/12:
Repressed Feelings in Romneyland: Just Gotta Have It.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
The Donald & Da Coach: A Love Story
Michael Sneed, a veteran columnist with the Chicago Sun-Times, recently informed her readers of ongoing communications between Donald Trump and former Chicago Bears head coach Mike Ditka, also known affectionately as "Da Coach." Rumors abound that Ditka may be invited to speak at the Republican National Convention in behalf of the party's likely standard-bearer.
No one should be surprised. The guy who led the Bears to the 1986 Super Bowl and The Orange Caudillo have been blowing metaphorical kisses at one another for quite some time now. Not only do they share many of the same hateful values, but they also possess the common bond of being senior citizens who've never grown up.
Examples of The Donald's childish behavior are legion, such as his warped regard for women as "bimbos", and his crude behavior toward demonstrators at his rallies, even as they're being manhandled by his fans --- Get 'em outta here! Da Coach also has a history of immature antics in the public eye, though not nearly as prominent. During his tenure with the Bears, he was known to stick wads of gum on the camera lenses of photographers who'd get in his way, making him all hissy. Sometimes he'd even hurl a spittle-ravaged gob of well-chewed product at an offending journalist's head.
I knew guys like that in high school: Towel-snapping jocks who'd refer to those of us who were less athletically or socially gifted as losers and spazzmos! At a recent high school reunion, I met some of those same guys. Guess what! They had all grown up. As for The Donald and Da Coach, not so much!
Love is never having to say you're sorry, guys.
No one should be surprised. The guy who led the Bears to the 1986 Super Bowl and The Orange Caudillo have been blowing metaphorical kisses at one another for quite some time now. Not only do they share many of the same hateful values, but they also possess the common bond of being senior citizens who've never grown up.
Examples of The Donald's childish behavior are legion, such as his warped regard for women as "bimbos", and his crude behavior toward demonstrators at his rallies, even as they're being manhandled by his fans --- Get 'em outta here! Da Coach also has a history of immature antics in the public eye, though not nearly as prominent. During his tenure with the Bears, he was known to stick wads of gum on the camera lenses of photographers who'd get in his way, making him all hissy. Sometimes he'd even hurl a spittle-ravaged gob of well-chewed product at an offending journalist's head.
I knew guys like that in high school: Towel-snapping jocks who'd refer to those of us who were less athletically or socially gifted as losers and spazzmos! At a recent high school reunion, I met some of those same guys. Guess what! They had all grown up. As for The Donald and Da Coach, not so much!
Love is never having to say you're sorry, guys.
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